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Sadly, the art of the dress has become the latest casualty in our progressing love of all things casual. Dresses are going the way of gentlemen who open doors for others and ladies who would never be caught without a hat in public. I too am a sufferer of this sad aliment. It is just too easy to fall out of bed, pull on a t-shirt and pair of jeans and run to class or select a button-down shirt with a pair of coma inducing trousers and wander to work. This is where the dress enters in. Dresses show that the woman wearing it is in charge and wants to be seen at her best. Also dresses skim over and lessen every problem area imaginable. However, a dress can be intimidating to wear and accessorize. These steps will simplify that possibly daunting task.

1. Consider the event.

If you have been invited to an international gala complete with foreign dignitaries you will not be showing up in a jersey wrap-dress but a full length, graceful gown. Just as attending your child's soccer game does not require satin, sequins or trains, it calls for a casual shirt dress with flat boots or sandals.

2. Identify your target group.

Consider your audience. If you are going out with the girls, feel free to wear trendy, over the top outfits. If you are going to a work party of mixed company consider more classic lines and styles.

3. Select the dress.

The dress is the foundation, the bedrock on which you will build a stunning outfit. Pick a style that highlights your favorite feature. You can almost never go wrong with black. However, if you are feeling bold pick a jewel tone for evening and a bright color for day.

4. Select shoes.

This is probably the most important part of your dressing process. Not only do the right pair of shoes make an outfit magical, but shoes can also reversely destroy your day if they hurt too much to move in. If the event you will be attending requires you to be on your feet the whole time (from attending an inaugural ball to picking up the necessities at the grocery store) please pick footwear that will go the distance. Read: This does not mean orthopedic! The key is to balance beauty and comfort. A patent heel will always work for evening. For day a shorter heel or flat is usually best. The recent theory in shoes and accessories has been to flow with and not match the outfit in question. "Flowing" can take years of practice and observation, and can be difficult to describe. Fear not! This spring will be full of matchy-matchy outfits. So feel free to match your shoes to your outfit.

5. Find the proper bag.

The same shoe matching principle goes for your bag. You can even match your shoes and bag exactly. Picking the right size of bag is also important. I keep to the general rule, the fancier the event, the smaller the bag.

6. Single out jewelry.

Keep in mind you are not on a shock-and-awe campaign. If you decide to wear a cocktail ring you should leave the big bracelets at home. It isn't necessary either to wear a huge necklace and enormous earrings. The goal is to find and focus on one or two great pieces.

7. Determine if something else is needed.

Sometimes an outfit has the shoes, the bag, the jewelry and it feels incomplete. These other accessories can include a belt, headband, scarf or colored tights. If this is the case then pick one of these accessories.

8. The evaluation.

Now, the outfit is assembled. You have four minutes before you are to leave the house. Stop. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Now, seriously consider removing one of accessories you have on. Granted the shoes and bag are staying, so look for areas of congestion. For example, if you have on statement earrings and a headband remove one and save it for a later time.

This article is co-authored by Athelia Woolley and Emily McCormick, the founders of Shabby Apple. Shabby Apple offers women's dresses - dresses that make dressing simple. Shabby Apple dresses are a return to what dresses were always meant to be - a one-piece outfit. No need to add anything...no tank tops, no cardigans, nothing (except accessories, of course!). Shabby Apple also offers a complete line of offers little girls dresses.

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(or: The Narration of Professor Greenwood and Mr. Durant)

Notre Dame in Pairs France

The Narration of Professor Greenwood and Mr. Durant

Part One of Three

Mr. Durant and Professor Greenwood were two scholars who lived around the turn of the twentieth century (but the specific time we are talking about is now: 1917) a little less than a hundred years ago in Paris, France; Mr. Durant was once the head of a faction of scholars and Professor Greenwood taught courses at the Paris University.

Up to this point, the time this story too root, both men had lead what you could call: simple and quiet lives; although within the city of Paris, they were well-known by most scholars, and somewhat heard of by the general public, but little more. This was all soon the change, for Mr. Durant and Professor Greenwood for they had found a scarce manuscript, dating to 200 BC, in the cellars of the once lived in house of Victor Hugo (whom was a senator in Paris in the mid 1850s).

"You know," said Mr. Durant to Professor Greenwood in Mr. Durant's library, "this might prove useful in many ways."

"I read it last night," said the professor, "I agree it could be sold for quite a lot of many."

"What should we name this unnamed script?" asked Mr. Durant.

"Yes, it should have a name according to its contents," answered the Professor.

And so they both sat back in the library looking at the ancient manuscript, written in an old Albanian dialect, that had existed perhaps back as far as 7000 BC, rewritten in 200 BC, in a clearer form of the same language, one both Mr. Durant and Professor Greenwood were proficient in.

The professor had been studying languages all his life, and the secrets of the unknown world of the old ones, or otherwise known as the Shinning Ones, the Angelic Renegades, and he knew they had kept records of their magic spells, and Azaz'el, one of the twenty leaders of the two-hundred renegades, taught humans some four-hundred years before the Great Flood had taken place, he taught them how to kill with magic swords and other weaponry. The book explained Azaz'el's methods, spells, secrets. It indicated any living thing could be conquered but first had to gather the energy to do so, and the power of this secret energy within a person could see into both worlds, could withstand the harsh elements of earth and the cosmic universe, could even time travel, and see what ideas were in an enemies mind before the enemy implemented his plans-this is document, or book, or manuscript was really a libretto of spell binding words and lines of words.

Mr. Durant read and reread the book studied the charts of spells in it, for a long time, and today he had brought his ideas with him to the meeting with the professor. And said to the Professor the book should be called, 'Azaz'el's Ancient Set of laws for Warfare.'

"That just might work" said the Professor.

"By implementing these spells, and learning the secrets of the Angelic Renegades of that time, we can be able to make things come our way, without any interference of governments perhaps," said Mr. Durant to the Professor.

They both decided to test this new idea out, but first Mr. Durant wanted to find the proper place to implement his experiment, it was 1917, the Great War was taking place. They were to go to the Western Front, known as Flanders, towards a town called Ypres, the area around Ypres was known as Salient, he picked this area out because it was fought over between 1914 to the end of the war in 1918, unknown of course at this moment in time, except it was ongoing. They both hid in Ypres Cloth Hall, which had been burnt in 1914.

It was on the 30 of July, 1917, Mr. Durant and the Professor found an odd, and isolated little farm near Passendale Church, a small village, five miles north east of Ypres, to rest the night away for the battle which would take place the following day. And so it did, and it stretched out until November 10, and the main thing was, for the professor and Durant, was to read this book with its enchantments, and to mentally build an invisible wall around Ypres so the Germans would not enter it, for it was close to the battlements. And it was said afterwards, Ypres should have been ransacked, but never was, and no one knew why, but the Germans seemed to have erased it from their minds. Yet the Passchendaele church was totally destroyed by shellfire.

All this seemed too perfect for both the Professor and Mr. Durant. Yet they both went back to Paris, hired a young couple to assist them in another experiment, the couples name were Mr. and Mrs. Sexton.

"Yes sir," said Mr. Sexton, "I understand you will be using me and my wife and our apartment for your experiments," and both Mr. and Mrs. Sexton signed an agreement to work for several weeks with the Professor and Mr. Durant, hoping for whatever success they were seeking might help them financially and it did, and all four lived in the apartment for the mean time.

The Professor late in the evening of October 25, 1917, sat quietly in a chair while the young couple was sleeping, and told Mr. Durant what he had done while he was away to London for the past week.

"I'm sure you'll say I should not have done what I did, but all the same, I did cast one of the spells in Azaz'el's volume onto the sleeping couple, each night while they were asleep.

"But why, they'll become aggressive, if not warlike?" said Mr. Durant to the professor.

"He is mentally becoming more aggressive already, and his muscular tone is even becoming more noticeable, as is his reflexes quicker, I saw him yesterday purposely bump into a stranger, trip a kid who was running, he is looking for trouble," said the Professor.

"From what you've told me," said Mr. Durant, "Mr. Sexton will be either a madam or a warrior soon!"

"And so will his wife," commented the Professor, adding, "until I saw the victory in Flanders, I didn't really have confidence in this book of spells, and warfare, and our little experiment now has also added to my faith in the book."

-On the sixth week, Mr. Durant and the Professor moved out of the apartment and back into their homes, paying the Sexton's the $1000-dollars they had promised. They were soon to find out through, in December of 1917, there was a slew of strangling in Paris, most in the Lexington Gardens. Reports about this appeared in the daily newspapers, that a young man and woman had killed seven strangers, some old, a few young, and even a school aged student.

On another occasion, in January in 1918, the Professor and Mr. Durant, having coffee at Caf de Flora, read about this couple running over a crippled man on crutches with his horse and cartage, and not stopping to help thereafter.

It was Mr. Durant that finally put two and two together, connecting the killings with the carriage incident, saying it was to the carelessness of his partner this was taking place, claiming it was the Sexton couple.

"Extra! Extra! Killer kills again near the Eiffel Tower!" A paperboy, by the name of Jack Stars, was yelling.

When Mr. Durant heard this, he grabbed a paper, paid the boy, and he and the professor looked it over, a police officer was now killed, beat over the head with a blunt instrument, and his head cut off.

The Professor was speechless, trembling with a cup of coffee in hand at the outside caf.

"It's that spell of his, everything inside Sexton's head is mad, he will kill his wife soon I expect, I am afraid for you and me!" said the Professor.

"Calm yourself old friend, you shouldn't have done what you did, but you did, and now we must find a solution; it is simple as that."

"I suppose I was too excited to think things through, or to wait for you to come back from London, so I cursed him several nights in a row. We must get to Mrs. Sexton; I do believe she is not as inundated by the spell as he," commented the Professor.

But Mrs. Sexton would not be there when the Professor and Mr. Durant would go to find her at her apartment, already she was gone, had packed her cloths and on her way to the train station, among the things she took was the written spell the Professor had chanted to her night over night. She was going to London to kill her mother, sell her property, and bring it back to her husband.

As she was walked to the station, Mr. Durant and the Professor had ridden by in their horse and carriage. They were feeling sorry for her, and Mr. Sexton was out at a caf eating his lunch.

At the station, she hurried towards pier four, and boarded her train; saw an older lady with her grandson, her heart pumping malice. However, she found her seat, and sat quietly, the old lady and young lad across from her.

The child, a boy of perhaps eleven seemed to have caused a great deal of excitement, it was his birthday and was headed to London to visit his mother and father, the grandmother was caring for the child, he was talking up a storm.

"Good heavens!" said Sally Sexton, to the boy, now sitting alone, "it would seem you should have some cakes and bread to eat, you look famished."

"No, I'm too excited to be starving Miss, but..." before the boy could say a word, Sally was coming back with a cake in her hands for the boy, gave it to him, and Sally sat back in her seat, and fell to sleep."

The Grandmother returned, which seemed to have been an hour or so she was gone, and returned with some bread and water, the boy had eaten what Sally had given him already and he likewise had fallen to sleep, like Sally. After another hour, at last the grandmother woke him up, handed him the bread, and Sally woke up at the same time, started walking around the train, she seemed to have disappeared until the train stopped, and she was seen walking through one of the doors, and then again disappeared. The grandmother had found out, by noticing crumbs from a cake the boy had eaten something when she was gone, given to her perchance by this strange woman who sat across from them-that at least was her best guess, and the one she would tell he police for the boy was very sick, several days later, the London paper read, "Boy dies, poisoned on train from Paris...!" And a poor sketch of Sally was drawn, for the newspaper.

News of this slaying spread quickly, even to the newspapers in Paris.

"This is getting out of hand," said Mr. Durant to Professor Greenwood, both eating at the Lipp's caf.

Suddenly, the Professor was attacked by a pain in his chest.

Just then, Roger Anderson, a novelist from America joined them, said, "I wish I knew this case better, about the so called killing couple, I could write a novel about them, I think this woman is the same one that helps her husband kill their prey in city here, what do you scholars think?"

They both nodded their heads as if it all was Greek to them, continuing to eat their chicken soup, as Roger sat next to them reading the paper, adding, "I know you fellows can't come up with any kind of guess who they are, but I suggest you purchase a gun, and plenty of bullets, in case they try to strangle you two old coots." And he laughed.

-A few hours later, Sally Sexton arrived at her Mother's home in London, met her mother, and they both chatted around the kitchen table. Then she put the few things she had brought with her in a small bag, in the guest room. And she talked aloud to herself, saying: "Now my dear husband, you shall see how a killing should be handled!" And then she walked downstairs again to talk with her widowed mother.

Soon after the Professor and Mr. Durant talked to Roger Anderson, they went to a nearby gun shop; they had been fed a good idea. Each of them purchased a gun, loaded it, and began their second trip back to the Sexton apartment, they were going to put an end to this needless killing (the reason they did not go to the police was they did not want to implement themselves, hence, end up in old age, living their last days behind bars).

The Professor felt the only way to destroy Mr. Sexton was to wait at his apartment, and when he came home to shoot him, Mr. Durant would be watching for him, as the Professor hid behind the second floor corner in the corridor, saying to Mr. Durant, "If we leave this to the police, they will make mistakes and somehow this all will never be settled."

When Mr. Sexton entered the hallway, all was very quiet; Mr. Durant motioned to the Professor, he was coming up the stairs, all of a sudden a rat ran across the hallway, and the Professor thought the noise was Sexton, turned a bit to peer down the hallway, saw Sexton, Mr. Durant hidden under an doorway arch, both of them now looking at one another, and the Professor shot his gun. Then he walked closer to look at the dead man, his face shocked him, he looked in his fifties, and he was actually in his early twenties.

They pulled the body into the apartment, as they had heard footsteps coming up the stairway to the hallway, and so they quickly went out and down the back fire escape.

Meanwhile, Sally was pacing the house, wondering exactly when she was going to kill her mother. She was an only child and knew she'd inherit all there was to inherit. She heard her mother sleeping, buzzing away on her bed, snoring that is, then it came to mind, why kill her with a knife, when she could burn the house down, and her in it, and collect the insurance, save her time from selling the house, she always had insurance, so why not.

"It's done!" she said, and the house burnt to the ground, her mother yelling from the bedroom window, and Sally hiding behind a tree outside.

Suddenly she heard fire engines, and she ran towards the house screaming: "My mother's in there, my mother's in there!"

"What happened?" said one of the firemen as they started to hose the house down with water. Sally was dumbfounded for words, and then a man shouted orders. In a few minutes the house was burnt to the ground, as several firemen carried long hoses to the house.

For a while everyone was busy, then everything was quiet, the fire burnt and filled the area with smoke. One could see rats and cats and dogs running about. A few of the firemen tried to enter the house but it was useless, too much fire and smoke. And after the fire, the body was dragged out of the remains of the house. For her, for Sally it seemed only to be a great adventure, but when she found out the house had lost its insurance policy for lack of updating its insurance payments (evidently the mother was lacking in funds), she said nothing, and simply returned to Paris on the first train she could find out of London, almost indifferent about the whole mess.

"She must also be killed," said the Professor to Mr. Durant, "whenever she returns and most likely it was her who set that fire in London last week. I bet she is in town now. To bad they did not put two and two together and figure out Mr. Sexton was the real killer, thus, we'd not have to do the job of killing her would we?"

Mr. Durant nodded his head in agreement.

Early the next morning, both Mr. Durant and the Professor sat idle in their carriage by Mr. Sexton's apartment building waiting for Sally. In spite of all the havoc she caused in London, and now finding out her husband had been murdered, she still felt she was the cleaver one of the two, perhaps just not finding the proper use of her deadly skills. But her mind would never be the same, and the Professor knew this.

What Sally liked the most was that she was becoming famous, or infamous, only that she'd like to have had her picture taken for the papers, instead of being called the unknown woman with the famous husband.

A few people showed up for the funeral of her late husband, to include Mr. Durant and the Professor. Actually afterwards they had tea and coffee at a local caf.

"How was your experiment?" she asked he Professor, innocently.

"You don't really know?" he commented.

"Now how could I," she said with a smile.

"I would be honored to know," she asked again.

Then appeared Lord Hamcater and sat with the threesome.

"I've been wondering Professor Greenwood where in heaven's name have you two been? Have you not heard of the murders going on in Paris; it is the biggest thing you will ever have a chance to talk about."

As they sat and looked at one another speechless, a new person became interested in the conversation, and stood close by listening, it was Doctor Hucklebone, Mr. Durant's family doctor. He could see the worry on his face, and wondered what had made him that way; he was mostly a happy, unmarried bachelor.

"I get the feeling," said Lord Hamcater, "you've discovered something big, and you are keeping it from us at the club, which you have not been for six months or so?"

"Lord Hamcater, you are an old friend are you not," said the Professor, "and I must be careful of course, so that what I've learned doesn't get out of hand."

"But perchance, we can all benefit from it, tell me what you are up to?" asked Lord Hamcater.

Then Dr. Hucklebone, took note of the woman's name wrote it down, and felt he'd perhaps visit her later, find out what this experiment was all about that they were talking about, he himself knew Mr. Durant and the Professor wrote many articles for the magazines in Paris, and perhaps he could pickup something out of this, and make a few bucks.

That evening, Professor Greenwood and Mr. Durant sat cozy around a fire in a hearth at Mr. Durant's home, trying to figure out their next step.

"Conceivably we should let in Lord Hamcater on our secret, he knows a lot of people that could help us, we really do not know what we are doing," said Mr. Durant to the Professor.

"Well, we end up with the same problem, he will call the police, and we get it now for murder, and no one can prove she did a thing, and I doubt Hamcater will want to be in on this anyhow. He will not care how we created madness in a woman's head, madness she doesn't even know she has. And if I feed this into his head, we got the same trouble all over again. It is best we destroy the book, it is cursed, and perhaps we are also."

"Sometimes," said Mr. Durant, "I think you are right, but should we not be fearful of her, she is in Azaz'el's world is she not, and she can't stop on her own now no matter what, I am a coward, you must be brave!"

-About this time, Doctor Hucklebone took matters into his own hands. He was about the age of the Professor, sixty or so, a short, but large boned man, he arrived by carriage to Mrs. Sexton's apartment. He climbed the stairs, a bit warns out at the top, knocked at her apartment door, and she let him in, after a short introduction.

"I wonder," said Dr. Hucklebone trying to find out what the Professor wanted with the Sexton's, "just what were these two fellows up to with you Mrs. Sexton?"

But he of course only cared about the experiment so he could make money; it was really no concern to him what carelessness he did, and at this point he simply needed to put together the puzzle.

"I'm not sure what he did," commented Sexton, "only that he lived here for six weeks, gave us some money-my husband and I, and hummed at night some chants, which seemed to give me some dreams that brought me back to a period of time where there was a great huge angelic war of sorts, the main person being called by the name Azaz'el, and in my dreams, he commanded a group of angels that taught humans how to war, to kill, such things like that. This Azaz'el one day found me, and made me his dragon, he took me from my husband and made love to me, he became a giant eel, and ate all those around me as if they were sheep-such are my dreams and seemingly reality."

"It seems to me it was more on the order of a nightmare than a dream," commented the doctor.

"I remember in one of these dreams, several angelic beings held a meeting, they wanted to stop Azaz'el, but he was too powerful, and it seemed like the Professor continued to chant at night his spellbinding words, lines of words, and it got to me and I had to dress like those folks in the days when they wore tunics. But I became more powerful by the name being fed me."

The doctor was quite taken in by all this; he drank down the tea she offered slowly.

Meanwhile, Professor Greenwood and Mr. Durant continued their conversation, leaving out their old friend Lord Hamcater. It was the following day the police found Doctor Hucklebone with a broken neck laying sideways in his carriage. And it was at this juncture, Sally Sexton, was starting to figure out, that the Professor had inserted some kind of demonic being inside her by magic spells by way of enchantments, or so it felt. One that seemed she was forced to allow being subjected to its character-will of its invader. As if the demon needed a shell to act out his evilness, and she was it. What little control she had was surfaced seldom, and raised to the surface by chance, and timing, when the invader was off guard.

See Dennis' web site: http://dennissiluk.tripod.com

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Scene kids seem to love listening to heavily stylized music like punk mixed with rock. They tend to try out the newest fashion, but add accessories to make their outfits more unique. They also are lovers of dinosaurs and this is reflected in their myspace themes. The scene girls tend to sport short cropped hair and the scene boys on the other hand prefer a style that consists of long hanging bangs. The color choice for scene kid hair is bright colors that are typically streaked into the hair. In general, their group mentality demands that a scene kid be very outgoing, bubbly, and attention seekers.

At first glance, an emo resembles a scene kid. However, they have remarkably different attitudes. An emo is calm, shy, and much more emotional. Sometimes they even cry at the drop of a hat. For instance, during a sad movie, it is OK for an emo to cry. The term emo is ironically a derivative of the word emotional. The most striking difference between an emo and a scene kid is that they thrive on sadness. An emo loves to stay at home and check the latest developments on their myspace account and write in their journal or work on their newest poem. Most people view them as a teenagers that are overly depressed.

Clothing for the typical emo is lighter in color than for the typical goth. Nevertheless, people tend to get the two groups mixed up. Also, scene kids and emo kids can be difficult to sort out because both groups cherish their tiny tee shirts that promote unknown bands.

They are enough alike that sometimes they clash. All these kids are striving to be unique and they hate to be compared and regarded as one group. One peculiarity is that they both dislike being to compared to goth; lots of adults just label them as goth. Goth clothing and hair is exclusively dark black which doesn't mirror the scene kid and emo styles.

Nevertheless, the two ideologies are more like diverse musical subcultures. Both groups are just trying to find themselves, which is what teenagers need to accomplish in order to evolve into adults.

Here is a place that will provide additional information on scene kids

I find the differences between musical subcultures very interesting. They are part of our culture and it is helpful to view how they can influence our children.

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As parents we want to protect or daughters, and sons from gangs and the violence that surrounds them. The problem is, must of us don't know anything about gangs or their culture. What indicators should we be looking for? How can we tell the difference between normal teenage behavior, and the behavior connected with involvement with gangs and gang members?

This is a difficult task. You need to learn about gang's in general, colors' used by gangs to identify themselves. Hand signs and gestures that gang member's use to identify themselves and the gang/gang set, that they identify with. Style of clothing, and in the case of female's, the style they wear their hair, and make-up. Know the difference between tattoo's for adornment and tattoo's that represent gangs.

You must also know your daughter. Her likes and dislikes, her personality, and her friends. In other words, you must have a baseline to compare prior behavior, with behavior that may indicate she is gravitating towards gangs.

The following indicators by themselves can not be taken as indicator's of gang association, but may be normal teenage behavior. However, if you identify a few to a lot of these indicators being present in your daughter, the odds are high she is beginning to associate with gang members.

All female gangs are becoming more prevalent with-in the gang culture, and are on the rise. They are structured the same as male gang's in most cases, and rival their male counterparts in their trend towards violence and crimes, and in some case's are more violent.

As your daughter enters High School and in some cases, Junior High School or Middle School. They find themselves being bombarded with peer pressure. What group to identify with, cheerleaders, geeks, Elmos, skateboarders, dopers, gangsters or any-other group at that school. The hormones are also rising and create an entire set of problems of their own, which all Father's are usually keenly aware of. Then the internal struggle for independence. All of these combined make her very susceptible to gang pressure, and gang involvement.

INDICATORS OF POSSIBLE GANG INVOLVEMENT.

FRIENDS;

Has your daughter stopped associating with her old friends? The kids that she had grown up around and played with on a regular bases. Has she indicated that the old friends no longer share the same interests, or that she has out grown them. No matter the excuse that is given, this is an area of great concern. You must take a good look at her new friend's, male and female alike. Have you met the new friends, do they come to your house to visit, or does your daughter go to their home, or meet them at a particular hang-out? What is the demeanor of the new friend's? Friendly, out going, extremely polite, well mannered, or very quite, angry, sullen, secretive, stand offish. Contrary to popular belief, some of the most violent gang member's that I have met can appear very polite, well mannered, and extremely likable. Gang member's become very good at fooling parent's, other family member's, school officials and even law enforcement. The best way to identify behaviors are a mixture of going with your gut feeling and by observing their actions when they don't know your watching. Be aware of facial expression, eye movements and the way they carry themselves. This may be your first indicator, as human beings tend to associate with people that have the same goals, cares and concerns. Do the new friends wear gang style clothing and colors? Look for web belts with buckles that may have a gang sign cut in to them. The color of belts, shoes, shoe laces, undershirts, coats, jackets, wrist watch faces, and hats or head gear.

SCHOOL;

Initially, schools were considered out of bounds for gangs. It was a free zone or a safe haven. Gangs were not active in schools. That has changed, gang violence in schools is on the rise. It has become an area for recruitment, a place to display the gangs power, commit crimes and the sale of drugs. Weapons are brought to schools for intimidation and protection. Many children get caught up in gangs at this stage by fear. These are the questions you need to answer. How are your daughter's grades? Have they continued about the same or have they dropped? What is the reason for the change? Family problems, boyfriend problems, problems adjusting to a new school or school environment, fear of change, fear of gangs, or her involvement in gangs? What comments have teacher's made on her attitude and behavior in school? Has her attitude changed suddenly, acting out towards school officials? What does she attribute the change too? They are out to get her, they don't like her, it's just to difficult? Again, know your daughter, compare prior behavior with her current behavior. Talk with teacher's and school officials, get their input. After all, they are the professionals concerning kid's behavior at school.

DRESS;

One of the identifiers of gangs and gang member's and associates is dress. Not only the color, but also the style. This is important to them for several reasons. It identifies them to their own gang member's. After all they do not want to become victims of violence from their own gang and they do not want to commit an act of violence on one of their own members. The reason this is important to them, gang members are prohibited from victimizing their own gang members and their families. Unless it has been authorized by the command structure of the gang. A violation of this code of conduct can result in anything from a verbal reprimand, sever beating, to death.

Secondly, it is a projection of gang influence, and power. After all, if I am driving and see one or two guy's wearing gang colors, I will not be very intimidated, but if I see twenty or thirty of them, I am not going to hang around. Additionally, it has been said by other's, that clothes don't make the man, the man makes the clothes. I see it more as, the clothing represents the image that the man has of himself, or the image he wants other's to see. This ability to identify gang member's and rival gang members can be seen in your local news. If gang members know their target on sight, nothing may be said at all. If they know the target and want their gang to get credit for the hit, they will announce their gang by yelling it out, before, after or during the shooting. If they are out to victimize a rival gang member, but no specific target. They will look to identify them by their dress, gang colors or style of dress. If they can not locate any rival gang member's, but still want to carry out a mission for their gang. They will throw their gang sign at a person on the street that may look like a gang member or that is in a rival gang member's territory. If the person is a member of their gang he will respond with his gang sign and they'll continue on. If the person responds with a rival gangs sign, he will become a victim. Lastly, they may verbally identify their gang affiliation or ask the intended victim, "where you from", "who do you represent", or a question of this type. If the person says no one, or says he represents a rival gang or area, he will be victimized.

What represents gang colors and clothing? It can be any color. CRIPS and BLOODS are represented by Blue and Red respectively. Norteno and Sureno by Red and Blue, Oriental gangs will use, red, blue, yellow and green. Outlaw motor cycle gangs will use red and white, black and white, green and white. You have to investigate, you can contact your local or county law enforcement, schools and local non-profit organization. All of these either have the information, or some sort of community program where this information will be given out as part of a gang awareness program. Style of clothing can be sagging, dragging or bagging. Wearing their pants down around the bottom of their butt, displaying their underwear. Be aware, that skateboarders tend to wear this style also, as do a lot of kids emulating their favorite rap artist. Originally, I first noticed the CRIPS gang members wearing their pants in this fashion, then it spread to other gangs and finally to our pop culture. Personally, I like the style. It's really hard to run or jump over fence's with your pants around your ankles, or running with one hand holding up your pants.

GANG INDICIA;

What is gang indicia? It is anything that represents, or is used by the gang in any form of fashion to educate, communicate, or identify gang member's, or idea's. This is the area that most parent's ignore. Why you may ask? Privacy issue's, trust issue's or the fear of incurring the wrath of their teenager. Some parent's are afraid of what they will find, so they make excuses for not checking their teens, male or females, room's. A parent is responsible to shelter, feed, cloth, educate, take care of and protect their children. Your teenager, in most cases, is not going to tell you, hey, Mom and Dad, I've decided to become a gang member. As a parent it is your duty and responsibility to check your teens room and belongings in order to protect them, period. I don't know how many times, a victim parent's will swear their son or daughter is not a gang member. Most are lying, but some closed their eye's and refused to see the signs. So what are we looking for and where will it be.

First, look at the overall room. color of the walls, posters, drawings or anything hanging or suspended from the walls or ceiling. Is there anything related to gang color's or gang content. A United Farm workers(UFW) flag, red with a black Aztec eagle(or commonly called the HUELGA BIRD) in the middle? Could be an indicator, test your child, ask them what it is and what it means. The original UFW flag was designed by Caesar Chavez's brother, he couldn't draw the Mexican Eagle, so he decided to square off the wings and use the Aztec eagle. It is too long to describe here, but you can contact the United Farm Workers office near you and they will be happy to send you a flyer describing the flag and what each part stands for. Needless to say, your Northern Hispanic gangs took the design of the UFW's flag and began using it as an identifier. You'll see it displayed as a flag or a tattoo. As we continue checking the room, check clothing pockets for notes or signs of drug use. Check inside books, notebooks, magazine's, drawers, diaries, under bed's, mattresses, dressers and any other place you would hide something. Look for gang notes, usually hand printed in micro writing. Micro writing is seven sentences in one line of regular lined notebook paper. It can be folded into a square, or rolled the size of a toothpick. Read their notes and writings. Have they crossed out any letters? For example, a Norteno will cross out the s' in his writing's or use the dollar symbol if typing. It will look like this, "Hey how are you guy$ doing. What$ cracking, home boy$". Be aware of the content of letters and writings. Also note if suddenly your teen has taken an unusual fascination with MAYA or AZTEC writings or symbols. Don't just look at books, read the covers. If you see a book titled, "The Art of War by Sun-Tsu", it is a training aid used by the Norteno gangs and shows their ideas of fighting and discipline. Also, Norteno gang members have been instructed to study books on human nature and how to read human behavior, and keywords used to manipulate people. Again, majority of my work was with Hispanic gangs, so those are the examples I use. The basics apply to all gangs as they are pretty much the same in the manor and style they operate.

Also when your checking their room, look for items' that they should not have. New jewelery, cell phones, or electronics in general. Find out how they got them, where they came from, especially if they don't have the money to buy them. Regarding cell phones, check them often. Who do they call, when are they calling, check out their phone books, how are the names listed and what are the nicknames used. Same with text messages, read them, what are they talking about? Check their computer's, their e-mail, area's they go to on the Internet. As with all of these indicator's, you must have a base line of your daughter's prior behavior to help evaluated her current behavior, is it related to gangs or just a teenage thing. Remember, you will find things that embarrass you and surprise you. Some of these are normal teenage behavior's, taking about sex and boy's and other such topics. Some may not be, talk with your teen about these topics in a general format, don't bring them in put them under a spotlight and interrogate them for hours. They will only learn to hide it better next time.

CHANGES IN BEHAVIOR AND ATTITUDE.

This is a tough one. Teenager's are going through a period of change in their lives and are having to learn and adapt to the changes in their bodies and environments. They feel they are old enough to make decisions for themselves, they want independence from the rule of their parents. They want to be their own person. How can you tell the difference's between gang influence's and normal behavior? All teens usually do something stupid at one time or another. The key is if the behavior or attitude continue, even after it has had a negative impact. A teen coming home drunk once, or a teen that comes home drunk or hung-over on a regular basis. Coming home late every now and then, or consistently comes home late and eventually, doesn't come home at all. The normal anger and frustration with parents. Yelling, "you don't understand me", running to their room and slamming the door. As opposed to yelling, running out the front door and not coming home for several day's. Any permanent, negative change in your teens behavior or attitude, is an area of concern.

USE OF ALCOHOL, OR DRUGS.

Male gang members tend to use alcohol, drugs and sex as a recruiting tool. They will have parties, bring in teens they are trying to recruit, and introduce them into this representation of the gangster life style. Female's are an important tool that is used to attract new member's. This is the most dangerous time for your daughter. Gang members will use every trick they know to get your daughter to this party and begin using her as a tool. She may think he likes her, he'll treat her very well, stand up for her and protect her. Eventually, he will convince her to go to the party with him, and to use alcohol or some low key, accepted drug, marijuana. After this initial step, he'll continue to befriend her and increasingly get her to use alcohol and marijuana. He will next, either overtly or covertly, get her to use a drug such as Methamphetamine (Meth). He'll put Meth in her drink without her knowing. When he feels comfortable at this stage he'll begin heavy petting, or even sex with him. Once he feels he has total control of her, he'll make sure she is addicted to the alcohol, drugs or sex. He'll then introduce her to sex at his direction with multiple partners, usually gang members and new recruits. Once she is addicted, used and abused, and no longer appealing for use as a recruitment tool she will be kicked out to fend for herself. Prostitution, stealing or any other crime to pay for her new addictions. What do parents look for? There will be signs of alcohol and drug use, learn what they are. Marijuana, red bloodshot eye's, giggling, munchies. Meth will have the signs of twitching or uncontrollable talking, jerky movements, can't stand still or keep one train of thought for any period of time. Is keyed up for extended periods of time, followed by a crash, sleeping for long periods of time or extremely difficult to wake up. When your daughter reaches the age of dating or going out be sure and warn her, about the danger of alcohol, drugs and gangs. She is not to drink anything that she does not open herself, no matter how much she trust's the people she is with. If she leaves her drink unattended, throw it away and get another one. Never, drink out of someone else's drink. Additionally, when you check her room, look for glass pipes, lighter's, empty piece's of plastic wrap, which may or may not have a crystal type residue. Look for straws cut about two inches in length, or coffee stir sticks. Also check your teens hands. Meth when smoked, using a glass pipe usually results in contact burns on the thumb and index finger.

In-conclusion

Remember you are the parent. It is your responsibility to protect your child. Gang members have a saying, you may see it as initials, MOB. It stands for Money Over Bitches. That is how they view women, tools to advance their gang agenda. Many of the gang member's I have talked with have no compunction about using women and tend to see them as property and income. They'll tell them they love them, they'll have their children. Once a girl has their child she is viewed as theirs. They will have her raising the kids and working two jobs to support him, while he parties with gang friends and has sex with whom every he wants. Just to give you an idea of how brainwashed some of their women are. In a recorded call from jail, a female told her male gang friend that she would have oral sex with any gang member in good standing, that was her obligation and she would swallow, or do anything to help the soldiers in the cause.

The gang life style only leads to two places. DEATH and PRISON.

I have been involved with Law Enforcement for 37 years, worked as a Police Officer, Correctional Officer (Guard), Correctional Counselor, Correctional Lieutenant, and a California Parole Agent. I have been involved with learning about gangs since 1982. Gangs continually evolve, and change, their structure, mode of operations and are always looking for new ways, legal or illegal, to make money.

My son and I started D&D Consulting to assist our community in combating gang violence and recognitions in our community, by presenting programs for Schools, Teachers, Students and Parents, to help them understand and recognize signs that our children may be at risk for gang involvement, or association. Knowledge is the key to protecting our children from becoming victims, associates, or gang members. Combating gangs requires that our Police, Schools and Communities must work together to end the terror and victimization that gangs bring to our community.

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"Organize" is a familiar word heard on many of today's popular decorating shows. Every family has its struggles with some type of clutter whether it is stacks of papers or a cluttered and cramped bathroom. In fact, the National Association of Professional Organizers reports that 80% of what we keep we never use, we wear 20% of the clothes we own while the other 80% hangs there just in case, and 25% of adults say they pay bills late because they lost them.

If you have stacks of papers, frazzled mornings, or lost car keys, use the following ideas to help you organize your family and home.

Evenings/Mornings:

1. If you have rushed mornings, make lunches, set out clothes, and put everything you need for the next day in a designated area the night before. Have kids pack homework and books in their backpack so they will be ready for the next day.

2. Place your purse, briefcase and keys in a designated area every day so you always know where they are.

3. Decide the night before what is on the menu for breakfast the next morning. If the family is to have cereal, set out the cereal boxes, bowls, and spoons.

4. Make a "to do" list for the next day and organize it according to what task needs to be completed first.

5. Fill the gas tank the day before so you won't have to worry about getting gas if you are running late the next morning.

Bathrooms:

6. To organize countertop clutter, purchase a plastic tub with a handle on top. Place all of your accessories such as hair spray and lotion, in the tub and place under the counter. Take the tub out when you are ready to use it and then put it back under the counter when you are finished with it.

7. To organize your shower, buy shower caddies to place your soaps and shampoos in. There are numerous styles available in many discount and fine department stores.

8. To help keep your shower doors clean, buy a water squeegee (like you use on your windows) and place it in the shower. When you are done taking a shower just wipe down the doors with the squeegee and you'll have a clean and dry shower door. Many of the squeegees come with a whole in the handle, which is convenient for hanging it up in the shower with a suction cup.

9. Install a straight magnet in your medicine cabinet for tweezers, nail clippers, and scissors.

10. Store reading material in a decorative magazine rack. As you add new magazines, throw away the older ones to keep the magazine rack from overflowing.

11. Throw away items in your bathroom that are old or you don't use anymore, such as make-up, lotions, prescriptions, over-the-counter medications, old razors, sunscreen, and perfume.

12. If you are out of space in your bathroom cabinets for towels, roll them up and display them in a decorative basket next to the shower or bath tub.

13. Install hooks on the back of your bathroom door or wall space for towels and robes.

14. Use drawer organizers for makeup, jewelry, ponytail holders, and other loose items.

15. Place a shelving unit above the toilet for storing extra towels, washcloths, and other accessories.

16. Put a clock in each bathroom so everyone can be on time.

Closet:

17. Place baskets in your closet for laundry and dry cleaning.

18. Sort through your clothes and anything you don't wear anymore, bag and donate to a local charity. This includes clothes that are no longer in fashion, no longer fit, or clothes you haven't worn in a year. Also, get rid of those worn out and/or uncomfortable shoes you no longer wear.

19. Separate your clothes by season. If you have a tall closet with several rows of rods, place current seasons clothes on the lowest level and move out of season clothes on the tallest rods.

20. Categorize your clothes by purpose, such as work, casual, and formal.

21. Gather all unused wire hangers and take them to the dry cleaners to recycle.

22. Hang scarves on a hanger or scarf rack. Also, hang belts and ties on hangers or racks.

23. Use a shoe rack to keep shoes organized and throw out shoe boxes that clutter the floor.

24. Install hooks on the closet wall to hang up hats and purses.

25. Store clothes that you want to save in a vacuum sealed plastic bag. These bags pack down for storing under the bed or in a closet. Remember to save only the clothes that you think will be worn!

Kitchen:

26. Organize your cabinets into several categories such as plates, glasses, Tupperware, kid's plates and sippy cups. Place the plates on one shelf, the glasses on another shelf, and so on. This way when you empty the dishwasher, you or other family members will always know where everything goes.

27. Group your foods together in the pantry for easy access and to help you identify when inventory is getting low. For example, group together your canned goods, cereals, pasta, etc.

28. Place all packets (gravy, Jell-O, sauces) in a basket and place on shelf.

29. Purchase a spice rack that works best for your cabinet. Alphabetize your spices and place frequently used spices on the front of the rack and all others towards the back of the rack.

30. For all of those plastic containers and Tupperware items, dedicate one cabinet or drawer for those items and try to purchase stackable containers to maximize your space.

31. Save your countertop space for items you use daily. Only display cookbooks that you really use and if possible store your canister set in your pantry instead of on the counter.

32. If you have a collection of clipped recipes that are filling drawers and countertop space, purchase a three-ring binder in a color that matches your decor, a box of plastic sheet protectors (to protect your recipes), paper, and a set of dividers with tabs. Glue each recipe onto a piece of paper (use front and back of each piece of paper) and then place into a sheet protector. Categorize recipes (breakfast, desert, etc.), label the tabs, and place recipes in binder. Additional tip, if you purchase a binder that has pockets, store clipped recipes that you want to try in the pockets before adding them to your collection.

33. Do you have mounds of plastic bags from the grocery store? Place about 10 bags inside of 1 bag and throw the rest away. You can always get more the next time you go to the grocery store.

34. Get in a habit of cleaning out your refrigerator every time you bring home groceries. Dispose of any food that is no longer edible or your family is not going to eat.

Kid's Room:

35. In a boy's room, put a basketball hoop over a laundry basket for slam-dunking dirty clothes.

36. Place a two-compartment hamper in your kid's room so he or she can sort light clothes from dark clothes as they undress.

37. String a clothesline in your child's room and have your child clothespin his or her favorite artwork.

38. Hang a fish net from the ceiling to store stuffed animals, dolls, or action figures.

39. Add a bookshelf and help your child organize their books.

40. Buy the kids their own alarm clocks and teach them how to get up on time.

Misc.

41. Make sure everything in your house has a home. Teach all family members to mind their own messes. For example, if you take it out, put it back; if you open it, close it; if you throw it down, pick it up; if you make a mess, clean it up; and so on.

42. Put wastebaskets in every room and place several unused trash bags in the bottom of each one. This will eliminate countless trips to retrieve new trash bags and give all family members a place to throw away their trash.

43. Place a decorative basket on the coffee table to keep remote controls in.

44. Use a plastic caddy (instead of shelf space) to store cleaning supplies in and tote it from room to room.

45. Keep baskets or tubs for toys in every room for fast pickup and play time.

46. For kids' outdoor toys, purchase a weatherproof, bench-style storage box and store toys inside. Also, gather all outdoor balls and place into a large, mesh drawstring bag and store in garage.

47. Each night before bedtime, have all family members pick up clutter for 15 minutes. Make a game out of it and see who can pick up the most things in the shortest amount of time.

48. Create a family message center on the refrigerator or other prominent place and use it for shopping lists, reminders, calendars, and phone messages.

49. Make a master grocery list on your computer from a spreadsheet or Word document. Categorize the groceries into sections such as frozen, dairy, and so on. In each category, list the most frequent items that you buy. Organize the grocery list according to the way your favorite grocery store's isles are set up. Print copies and keep one copy handy for the current week. When you see you are low on a product or you're preparing your grocery list for the week, simply highlight whatever items you need. Keep the document current by adding new items and/or deleting items you no longer buy. Also, create a space on the document for Misc. items where your family members can write down what they need that is not on your list.

50. Create an in box on your desk for papers (bills, permission slips, etc.) that need your attention.

The goal of organizing isn't to make your home pristine but rather to make your life more calm and functional. Work with the above ideas and you will end up having less clutter, a simplified home, more quality time for yourself and your family, and improved productivity.

Lesley Dietschy is a freelance writer and the founder of http://www.HomeDecorExchange.com - The Home Decor Exchange is a valuable website full of information and resources about home and garden decorating.

In addition to editing the Home Decor Exchange website, Lesley is a crochet pattern designer and needle fiber artist. You can view her crochet patterns and needle fiber designs at: http://www.ErinOliviaDesigns.Etsy.com

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Escape from New Delhi

I felt comfortable in India in those days. In fact, I was more at home in India, then in America. I had been there on meditation retreats a half a dozen times before and felt immune to the trial and tribulation that beset every Western tourist. All of the cons were known to me. The liars, cheaters, hustlers, and beggars had no sway with me. I had seen it all before,... at least that's what I thought.

This was is how I felt as I walked around Connaught Place in the center of New Delhi. With little of the usual drama I had secured a bus ticket to Dharamsala at one of the little ticket offices that are so abundant in the center. It was the last ticket. I hadn't planned much in advance, so I was lucky to get it. Finally, I would go to Dharamsala and see if I could meet the Dalai Lama from Tibet. What a great feeling!

Dharamsala Village is the home of the Tibetan Government in Exile in the Indian, Himalayas. Jawaharlal Nehru, the first prime minister of independent India generously gave a home to the Dalai Lama and thousands of Tibetan refugees after they escaped Chinese occupation in 1959.

Dharamsala is high in the Himalayas at about 5580 ft. In the 7th Century this area was part of Tibet. "Dharamsala" literally means: "a Pilgrims shelter next to a Temple". An early Chinese Pilgrim Monk recorded about 50 Buddhist Monasteries with approximately 2000 monks as early as 635 AD. Dharamsala's mountain climate is much more suitable to Tibetan who came from the high elevations (9000 ft.) of the Tibetan plateau.

It was an inspiring morning and I walked around Connaught reveling in my knowledge that latter that afternoon I would be on my way to Dharamsala on the night bus.

Connaught Place is in the very center of New Delhi. It is surrounded by massive Western Victorian style buildings modeled after the Royal Crecent in Bath, England. The British administration built Connaught Place to accommodate the elite and the cream of British society. The entire place has a basic circular design and white colonnades encircle the whole of Connaught Place.

They say Connaught Place was Lord Mountbatten's (the last British Viceroy) gift to India. Although it was designed in 1932, Connaught Place was not completed until just before Indian independence.

It was just before noon and I had some time to kill before catching the late afternoon bus. As I was walking around looking for a restaurant, my first predator of the day approached.

"Where are you going?' asked this total stranger with his suspicious eyes and thin beard. Knowing full well that he was planning to hustle me I answered: "I'm looking for a good place to eat lunch."

"Oh, I know a good place!" my new unwanted friend suggested. I played along. Well, maybe he did know a good place to eat, so why not follow his advise. After all, I know his game and it won't work on me! I felt confident that whatever trick he had in mind could be easily thwarted. I was an India alumni.

So, I followed him to this amusingly tacky Indian fast food place with all kinda fake imitation western food. It was a bright and shiny plastic environment with some kinda water buffalo burgers. Beef hamburgers are never sold anywhere in India, since cows are holy.

In fact, if you kill a cow the penalty is life in prison as opposed to the 7 year term for manslaughter. You see these holy cows in the center of every intersection blocking traffic and stealing food at the vegetable market. They seem so relaxed and carefree. You can almost understand why the are believed to be holy.

My suspicious guide had the sharp angular features of a Kashmiri. Indeed, he introduced himself as Amir from Kashmir. The Kashmiri people had been force from their mountain paradise in Kashmir to spread across India in search of work. At one time, the beautiful Himalayan region of Kashmir was the most popular tourist destination of travelers.

This all changed with constant fighting between India & Pakistan over the Kashmir State. The on-going kidnapping and violence had permanently ended the profitable tourist trade and send the Kashmiri people all over mainland India. Delhi had more then it's fair share.

Kashmiris are famous for their ruthlessness and dishonesty in bargaining. The Indian's are intense bargainers, but even they pale compared to the Kashmiri people. Hence, I knew I was in for above average hassles from this guy, but I still felt confident. I was sure that I was not going to fall for any tricks.

I shunned the fast food place and told my Kashmir acquaintance that I was vegetarian and only wanted Indian food. "Oh, you like Indian food!" Amir exclaimed. "Come have your lunch at my place." Suspicious I asked: "How far?" He answered: "Five minutes walking only!" I reluctantly agreed. I thought, well maybe I should give him a chance.

OK, now my little psychic alarms started to go off inside my head! Where is he going to take me? Is it safe? Well I thought, I'll just proceed cautiously. These Kashmiri guys will try to hustle you, but they are not physically dangerous. Besides, it's nice to get involved when you travel and meet the real people. A lunch offer is very generous and I wanted to be open minded.

Naturally, in five minutes we end up at a Carpet Shop. How could I be so stupid? This is the oldest trick in the book. Get the tourist into your shop. I made it clear before entering or having any lunch, that I was not interested in carpets and that I would absolutely not buy one. Amir nodded that he understood.

We washed our hand with a pitcher of water in the street out front that they provided (very important in a culture where you eat with your hands). Then Amir and his five brothers pulled out the classic Indian stainless steel lunch pales and offered me a plate of rice and curried lentils.

It was simple and very spicy, but not free. Although I didn't have to pay rupees for the meal, there was another price. It seemed that these Kashmiri Moslems had built up a little resentment toward westerners. I guess they figured if I wasn't going to buy carpets, then they didn't have to be nice to me. They started to vent their frustrations.

I fielded a barrage of questions about why my government did this and that. "Why do you hate Moslems?" they plied. "I don't hate anyone!" I replied. "I didn't even vote for this administration and I vehemently disagree with their foreign policy." It didn't help to tell them this.

Unfortunately, their emotions had no logic. It didn't matter who I was or what I felt. I was a westerner and represented all of western culture for them. It was tense, but I held my own and was polite. I listen to their complaints and their views. What to do?

Finally, the hustle began. It was almost a relief to change the subject from politics to how can we screw this westerner out of some money.

The conversation got more personal and I revealed that I was on a Pilgrimage to see the Dalai Lama in Dharamsala. "Oh the Dalai Lama." Amir started posturing. He pursed his lips pausing to choose his words carefully: "Well, I just saw him." "Really,...." I replied, disbelieving that a Kashmiri Moslem in Delhi had just seen the Dalia Lama.

"Yes, he's in Ladakh," Amir confirmed. Hmmm, I thought what is he up to. He went on: "If you want to see the Dalai Lama, then you must go to Ladakh"

Now, I was in a quandary. What were the chances that he was tell the truth. I queried more. "Why is he in Ladakh?"

Amir spun out his web. "Oh, he was doing a retreat there,... " and supposably Amir was also with him, because Amir,.... well a is sorta a Buddhist Moslem,.... Yeah, that's right. Amir is interested it all kinds of different things, like say Buddhism,... and bla, bla, bla.

Well, I admit I am gullible. I was thinking that maybe he is telling the truth and maybe I should go to Ladakh,... what to do. Ladakh is a pure Tibetan enclave higher in the Himalayas that just happens to be part of India. It is a long journey to this very remote location.

I argued, that I had all ready bought a ticket to Dharamsala hoping to exit the conversation gracefully. "No problem", say Amir. "All of the ticket sellers are Kashmiri. We can get your a refund and sell you a ticket to Ladakh."
For a moment, I actually believe them. I paused for that trusting human moment, where I believed that they wouldn't lie and that all people are honest. Da! That brief moment that disclosed the innocence of my true nature. My fatal flaw is that I tend to believe what people say, but,.... that only last a moment. It was India after all and these were Kashmiris!

"NO!" I said. Six sets of eyes glared down at me from Amir and his brothers. In a subtle move they positioned themselves between me and the door. Amir looked at me incredulously: "You will not find him in Dharamsala. I told you he's in Ladakh. He will be there another week. The ticket is only twenty dollars. We can sell it to you. Why do you say no? Don't you want to see the Dalai Lama?"

I fell back into my inner wisdom and replied quietly, but with conviction: "You may be right and he may be in Ladakh, but in my heart I feel to go to Dharamsala and I must go by that." Amir did not argue. He could feel the quite force in my argument and knew it was over. It was as if a higher power had spoken through me. They moved away from the door and let me out.

It was an emotionally exhausting encounter. What had I been thinking that I could outsmart India best con men? India has it's way of humbling you.

I felt I was lucky to get out of there alive. It turned out that there was no bus to Ladakh that time of year. It was April and the roads to Lakakh were under snow. There was no way in or out of Ladakh until May.

These Kashmiri guys were willing to sell me a ticket to nowhere. For just twenty bucks, they would happily screw up my plans. Who knows what bus they would have put me on if any. It was inconceivably immoral, but that is what the Kashmiris are known for in Delhi.

The rest of the afternoon past uneventfully, as I strolled the unending Palika Bazar at Connaught Place to cool off. It was a grubby undergrounded air-conditioned market below the center of Connaught Place with lots of colorful Indian shops.

Another Indian Bus from Hell

Before long, I had to make it to the bus stop. Bus stops in India are not necessarily obvious or well marked. It is often just some spot that is designated by the ticket seller at a crossroads. There are no seats or protection from the elements. You just stand there in the dust, smoke, and heat of the afternoon sun and hope that a bus may come sometime.

It was a long wait. The only break in the monotony was an old Indian woman beggar. I gave her the requisite one rupee to leave me alone but she was not content. She lectured me in disgust: "One rupee, one rupee, only one rupee? No chapati, No chai (tea) for one rupee." I would have given her ten rupees had I known, but she was off by the time I figured it out.

Normally, there is a cultural understanding that if you give one rupee the beggar is content. If you try not to give one rupee, they can and will make you regret it. I gave up along time ago trying to ignore the beggars. Let me tell you, it is worth one rupee to get rid of them. If you don't give the rupee, they will follow you to the ends of the earth and hound you mercilessly. It is the beggar code of honor. No one gets away without one rupee.

A few minutes later a taxi pulled up an let out a harried looking gentlemen who was way overdressed for India. His name was Sam and he was a British citizen living in Taiwan. It was his first day in India.

He told me that he had gotten off the plane at 6AM that morning and it had taken all day and many misadventures for him to arrive at this bus stop for the 4PM bus. I had to laugh. His day had actually been worst then mine. My God, India. In India, you can't take a freaking bus without a full day major life dramas!

I was the only other person at the bus stop, but it gave us confidence we had both tickets on the same bus. You never know in India. The odds now seemed much better that we had real tickets for a real bus.

The bus arrived eventually and it was very full. We were the only two westerners and took the last seats in the back. I hadn't taken a bus recently and therefor didn't remember the 'golden rule'. Never sit in the very back.

For the next twelve hours, I bounce up to four feet in the air over some of the bumps in the road and actually hit my head on the ceiling of the bus. It was that dramatic.

Naturally, I didn't sleep a wink. This was not a problem for the Indians. Next to me was an Indian man who had such relaxed neck mussles that he could lay his entire heavy head on my shoulders. Nothing woke him up. He slept soundly even as his head bounced and bruised my shoulder. His hair oil left a permanent stain on my shirt.

The only saving grace of the ride was that it was dark. I could only imagine the horrors of the narrow mountain road to Dharamsala. At one point, the bus stopped totally. Our driver had met another bus and there was a long standoff, as neither would yield the narrow road.

Finally, with screeching metal and sheered side view mirrors the buses squeezed by each other. Indian drivers are either the best or worst in the world. I'm not sure. One thing I do know, is that they are the craziest of all drivers!

Dharamsala Village

Morning found me at Kotwali Bazaar (Lower Dharamsala) where the bus let out, a typical unimpressive Indian hill town a few miles and 1500 ft below McLeod Gunj or Upper Dharamsala. It was not Shangrila and my first impression was depressing in the morning chill.

Hopefully, Upper Dharamsala would be better. I hope a three wheel auto rickshaw up to the Tibetan part. Despite my fatigue, I felt a wave of joy in anticipation of arrival. Dharmasala, was the closest thing to Tibet. It held the residence of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and home to the Tibetan Government in exile.

Many of the famous Monasteries had been re-established in Dharmasala as well as all of the institutes of Tibet's government. This was hardly the attraction. It was the man or myth known as the Dalai Lama that brought me here.

I had read a couple book about the life of the Dalai Lama. These stories were of the dramatic challenges that faced a young boy who was called to lead his people before he was of age. It was of one who survived against the worst fait imaginable and yet still smiles. Just to meet him and receive his blessing would be a great life changing event for me.

Upper Dharamsala was much more charming, then it's neighbor village below. It was like leaving India for Tibet in just 10 minutes. Walking around were many maroon robed Tibetan monks with shaved heads. Most were Tibetan, but there were also many westerners here for Buddhist studies.

Charming little Tibetan restaurants, coffee houses, and shops lined the busy bazaar main street. All around were colorful Gompas (Buddhist Shrines) and Temples. The village was set against the backdrop of the Dhauladhar mountains, hanging sorta on a slope surrounded by Pine & Deodar forests.

First and foremost for any traveler is the daunting task of finding decent lodging when your dead tired. There is always the temptation to take the first place you see and collapse, but I didn't give. I looked at several small guest house. Finally, I came across a quaint guest house, after tramping around the outer forested neighborhoods off the main road.

The Guest House was a little expensive at 300 Rupees ($15.) a night, but it was so clean and quite I gave in without bargaining. Fifteen dollars does not seem like much when you at home working and have money coming in, but it is a lot in India after a couple months of traveling.

Even if you can afford it, there is a travelers duty to budget. After a while in India, you also become psychologically involved by the Indian's hustle to make a rupee. In truth, the group consciousness phenomenon of scarcity hypnotize travelers into arguing over every rupee. For Indians, bargaining is a necessity and a cultural reality. For westerners, it becomes and endless burden that can lead to obsessing over money.

I did not have the worst case of neurotic traveler budgeting. Sometime, I would even have to tell other traveler to try to relax and get a prospective. I would point out: You are arguing over half a penny and he probably needs the money more then we do! It's hard to stay conscious and centered in India.

India may be the most Spiritual country in the world. I don't know anymore, but it is the one country where I will consistently scream my brains out at strangers over a few rupees. I have done this sometimes within an hour of leaving an Ashram after month long meditation retreat. I just can't believe it myself, but that's India.

Before long, I passed out into blissful unconsciousness in my cozy Guest House room. It was one of the nicer rooms I've ever had in India. I got a western style double bed with a thick quilt. My window viewed a forested area with lots of large Pine trees. They were the last sight I saw as I closed my eyes.

Late afternoon, I awoke fatigued, but functional. After a bit of asking around, I was directed to the Dalai Lama's security office. No one could tell me for sure if I could see the Dalai Lama. It seemed that no one knew for sure if he was there in Dharamsala and if he would be accepting visitors.

Oh well, I thought it was worth a try. I went to into the security office to ask. A couple of no nonsense well built Tibetan security men greeted me and ask me to register. They were not very talkative and just handed me a basic application to fill out. After that they took my passport and copied it.

When I finished, they told me to come back tomorrow morning at 10AM. It was all so formal that I didn't realize I was in. I was in! I was going to meet the Dalai Lama the next day! I couldn't believe it. Why would the Dalai Lama consent to see an unknown western traveler???? It was fantastic!

I guess it's all karma. Apparently the Dalai Lama hadn't given any audience for weeks. I just happened to arrive in the right place at the right time.

In preparation, I purchased a Khata Blessing Scarf to give to the Dalai Lama. This is a traditional gift that you give to at such a meeting. It is a silk scarf with the Eight Auspicious Symbols of Tibetan Buddhism woven into it. I'll bet he has a lot of these already. Probably a million. Well, now he will have one more.

I spent the rest of the day exploring the many attractions of Dharamsala. It was a "Little Lhasa" with all kinds of Tibetan cultural offerings. It had a Library of Tibetan Scriptures, a Tibetan Medicine Center, Monasteries, Stupas, Schools, etc. I began in the at Namgyalma Stupa.

Namgyalma Stupa was in the center of town. A Stupa is a round Buddhist monument with a pointed top with prayer wheels that spin around the sides. Buddhist will circle the Stupa spinning the Prayer Wheels with one hand and chanting on a bead mala with the other. It's a meditation practice.

Chanting and spinning wheels can stop the mind and allow the practitioner to transcend the illusion of maya for a glimpse at the silence in between thoughts. It is a very ancient Tibetan Buddhist practice and has a profound transformational effect.

Hunger overwhelmed me and I caught a delicious dinner of Mo Mo dumplings in an upstairs Tibetan restaurant overlooking the Namgyalma Stupa. My head was spinning like a prayer wheel. It takes time to land in a new spot and absorb the local culture. All around me were monks and pilgrims. I wanted to be able to really feel it, but mostly I felt fatigued from travel.

After dinner, there was not much left of me, so I decided to forego all the site seeing and retired to the guest house. It was chili here in the mountains after sunset, and I was not well outfitted for the cold. India is a hot country and I didn't carry much warm clothing. My solution had been to basically wear everything I had in my backpack. The many layers worked.

My Guest House had no heat, but the comforter on my bed was thick and heavy. It was a typical Himalayan quilted comforter of fluffy cotton batting covered in a white cotton gauze. I loved the weight on my body and was quickly off to sleep.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama of Tibet

The list of amazing attributes of the Dalai Lama is endless. At the age of fifteen he assumed spiritual and governmental leadership of the desperate Tibetan people in their worst hour of crisis. China had invaded Tibet the previous year and his people were looking for a miracle to save them.

The next nine years, this young monk tried to coexist with the Chinese invaders, but was finally driven to escape to India in 1959. True to his Buddhist nature he advocated peace over violence in Tibet's hopeless struggle. This was acknowledge 30 years later, as he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Now, I would meet this spiritual legend. I was more inspired then intimidated. I had an unremovable smile all morning. Ten o'clock found me at the security checkpoint in front of his residence. My name was checked of a list and I had to pass through a metal detector. It made me happy to see the burly Tibetan guards charged to protect the Dalai Lama. I wanted him to be safe.

I got in a line of about 300 people. A good two thirds were Tibetan. They were in a state of emotional catharsis. Some of them could hardly walk from their overpowering feelings. Their tears fell like rain. For most of these people,
this was the pilgrimage of a lifetime. Who knows how far they have come or what they have been through to get here.

Most of the Tibetans wore traditional dress. Women had embroidered blouses covered with a long dark wool dress and accented with a striped apron. Many had beautiful big chunks of deep green Tibetan Turquoise, Red coral beads, and Gold Ghau Prayer boxes for jewelry.

The less colorful Tibetan men varied from western dress to village smock. Some looked as ancient as the Himalayan mountains. All were steeped in reverence and awe.

His Holiness received the Tibetan's first. In a long slow moving procession. He greeted each person individually and gave them his blessing. Some of the Tibetan women collapsed on the ground weeping, some passed out, many wandered by in emotional wonder. It was very moving to see his effect on people. I had never seen such a emotional reaction before. It was profoundly beautiful.

As I moved forward in the line a Tibetan official took my Silk Khata Scarf from my hands and put it around my neck. Apparently, His Holiness already had enough of these and I was to keep it. I was watching the Dalai Lama close now. He had started to greet the westerners in line.

Three, two, one, I was staring into the face of the Dalai Lama of Tibet. It was very intimate. I folded my hands in the Namaste prayer position and bowed. No words were spoken. He looked me in the eye and held my gaze bowing back with folded hands. His eyes sparkled and laughed inside. He was very centered.

I could feel his simplicity. He had no pretention. His good nature and smiling eyes were authentic. I could feel his good will. It was a good will and sweetness attained from a lifetime of service and deep meditation. This was perhaps the first 'real' person that I had ever met. He was the clear embodiment of the Buddha. I had no doubt.

The time was finished and I humbly moved along. It was a silent joy for me to have met him. I felt a quite assurance that if someone like him could exist, then there was hope for humanity.

I followed the other visitors through gate and walked out of town into the mountains. I wanted to enjoy the afterglow of our meeting in nature. My walk took me on beautiful forested hillside paths on the outskirts of Dharamsala. I walked for a long time. Further up, I found a path that led to some cave retreats.

In Tibet, there are many traditions of long meditation cave retreats. Some monks will go into a small isolated cave for 3 years, 3 month, & 3 days. Food would be brought once of day. They would be sealed in with only a small opening and not see or talk to anyone. It would be almost pitch black inside.

As as meditator, my heros had always been the sages, saints, & prophets who did these retreats. I had always had a fantasy of going to a cave myself and making such an effort. I thought it was my ultimate goal in life and considered doing it here.

It was sobering to look in the small cave with a dirt floor used for retreat. I talked with the local Indians and they said that I could hire a person to bring the food once a day as long as I would like to be in retreat.

I had an 'Ah Ha' experience right then and there. I am a westerner. It is not my destiny to sit in a cave on top of a Himalayan mountain. My fantasy of being a great yogi and leaving the world was opposed to my Dharma (life path).

Today, I had met the ultimate upholder of Dharma and he was a simple natural man. A man who lived his truth. Now, it was time for me to live mine. I was ready to go home. I felt complete.

Now I could make my daily life a meditation and going to work could be a Spiritual Pilgrimage. My Dharma was in the west and I was ready to live it totally. Spirituality is inside. You don't need to travel to India or Tibet. You only need to go home.

About Lama Dorje

I am the original Himalayan Trader. I go to Asia to do adventure travel, meditation, & trading. The Himalayan Traders is from the 'Small Is Beautiful' lifestyle philosophy. In Buddhist thought, Right Livelihood is considered essential for the layman's spiritual path. As a Buddhist layperson, I have tried to embody this ideal through The Himalayan Traders.

To support the intrepid spiritual wandering I have created the Himalayan Traders http://www.himalayantraders.com Most of our goods come from the Royal Kingdom of Nepal. In ancient times, large parts of Nepal were Tibetan territories, so the cultures are blended quite alot. The mountain people are generally Buddhist while the people of Kathmandu valley are a mix of Buddhist & Hindu. Out of this rich texture of religion and tribal culture I have been trading for 15 years mostly with small family run business. Come check us out at http://www.himalayantraders.com

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